Tonight's a particularly cold night. The rain's been stubborn...imposing...so I'm staying in, finding refuge under my blanket. Moved in to my apartment 3 days ago. Still waiting for my Muji furniture to be delivered tomorrow morning. Up 'til now, I'm without basic necessities, not to mention without internet. I'm writing from my blackberry and couldn't care less about the roaming charges. Ame ga furu no toki, itsumo kibun ga chotto sabishikunatte shimatta. Nan de darou ka?
Dashed through the rain to get dinner from a nearby bento shop that charges by the gram. I don't have a microwave yet so I ate everything cold. Cold.
The couple who ran the shop were seniors. She was still cooking in the kitchen while he manned the cash register. It was midnight when we got there. Osoku made zutto hataraite...nan no tameni no kana? I felt a pang. It's loneliness that binds us all together.
Sore wa jinsei da yo ne...a series of recycled efforts, which over time gradually loses its meaning anyway.
What am I doing is the question I ask myself everyday...except the answer is never apparent, always inconspicuous, always shrouded, always elusive.
Maybe tomorrow will be different is what I tell myself everyday...except Sartre is right. I'm still pushing my rock.
I'm watching my curtain-less windows as they gather dew. Through the blur I see nothing but pitch black. And the sound of zooming cars become the only indication that I'm still part of this absurdity that is life.
But at least I'm calm...no, I'm still, void and devoid of anxiety, which is actually preferable.
And I reminisce about everything I left behind. How useful are memories if they only remind you of all that you can't carry.
I know not of how the future is going to unfold but I know it will not bring with it fresh revelations.
But what do I know...I know less and less as I push my rock up for the umpteenth time.
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hope all goes well with your new apartment! you need to show photos when it's all sorted out :)
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